There was a time when I thought therapy was only for people in deep pain or facing major crises. I used to think, “I’m fine. Life is good. I don’t need any help.” I wasn’t broken, and everything seemed to be ticking along. On the outside, I was in a stable job, surrounded by friends, and living a seemingly good life. But inside, something just didn’t feel right. There was a quiet nagging, a subtle sense of unease that I couldn’t quite shake.
You may know that feeling — when everything looks fine on the surface, but deep down, something feels out of place. It’s not always a crisis. It’s not always a major breakdown. It’s just a quiet knowing that there’s more for you, or that you’re not fully in tune with your true self.
I’ve come to realize that sometimes we don’t seek therapy or coaching because we’re “broken.” We seek it because we’re ready for something more — a deeper understanding of ourselves, a life that feels more aligned with our purpose, or simply the courage to face things we’ve been avoiding.
The Quiet Discomfort of Not Feeling Whole
It’s strange how you can go through life feeling content, but still not feel complete. It’s like living in a house where everything seems fine, but there’s a part of the foundation that feels off. You can ignore it for a while. You can paint over it, put up some new curtains, and rearrange the furniture. But sooner or later, that quiet discomfort becomes impossible to ignore.
I remember feeling like that for a long time. I wasn’t experiencing major trauma, but I wasn’t truly fulfilled either. I had the perfect life according to society’s standards — a steady job, a social life, a good circle of friends. But there was an itch I couldn’t scratch, a sense that I was waiting for something. It’s like there was this low hum of dissatisfaction in the background, and no matter what I achieved, no matter how many accolades I collected, it wouldn’t go away.
In retrospect, I see now that I was in a state of existential questioning — a natural part of life where we search for meaning and purpose beyond the daily grind. Existentialism, at its core, is about recognizing the vastness of life’s uncertainties and acknowledging that we have the power to create our own meaning, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. In fact, it’s a terrifying thought sometimes — that we are the architects of our own lives. But that’s where the work begins.
The concept of Ikigai helped me make sense of this. Ikigai, the Japanese idea of a “reason for being,” is about finding that sweet spot where what you love, what you’re good at, what the world needs, and what you can be paid for, all intersect. I hadn’t been living from that sweet spot. Instead, I had been chasing things that were externally validated — achievements that society told me were important, but didn’t truly resonate with my core values.
I didn’t need fixing. I needed alignment. I needed to reconnect with what truly mattered to me, and that’s what therapy and coaching can help you do. But getting there wasn’t straightforward.
Avoiding the Bigger Questions
One of the hardest things I had to face was the fact that I had been avoiding the deeper questions — the questions that make us uncomfortable. Why am I doing what I’m doing? What is my true purpose? What’s holding me back from living the life I really want?
Those are hard questions. They require us to admit that we might not have all the answers and that we’ve been letting the flow of life, or the expectations of others, take the lead. But once you open up to these questions, you can’t easily close the door again. That’s when the discomfort really begins. But here’s the thing: it’s the discomfort that signals growth.
That’s when I started to see the role of distraction in my life. I would tell myself I needed to relax, unwind, or just take a break, but often it would turn into hours of scrolling through social media, binge-watching shows, or indulging in mindless food habits. These distractions felt harmless at the time, but when I looked deeper, I realized they were coping mechanisms. They were ways I was avoiding confronting those big existential questions.
We live in an age where distractions are endless. They are easy and quick fixes that mask our need to face ourselves. But when we spend too much time in these distractions, we risk losing touch with who we really are and what we really want. The endless scrolling, the shows that fill the hours, the food that temporarily makes us feel good — all of these things can be ways of avoiding the deeper work we need to do. It’s like putting a Band-Aid over a wound that hasn’t healed properly.
In the world we live in, we’re constantly bombarded with ways to numb out. There’s always something to consume — a new show to watch, a social media feed to scroll, or a drink to take the edge off. All of these distractions served as a temporary escape from facing the bigger, more profound questions about life. But in avoiding them, I was also avoiding my own truth. I wasn’t engaging with the reality that I was drifting, not living intentionally.
This is where therapy and coaching come in. They create a space to confront these uncomfortable feelings — without judgment, but with curiosity. And once you start to ask those questions, you start to peel back the layers of distraction that have been covering up what’s really going on underneath.
Recognizing the Need for Change
What made me take the plunge into therapy wasn’t a dramatic life crisis. It was a quiet realization that I had been avoiding something important — my own sense of purpose. The need for therapy or coaching isn’t always about being in crisis. Often, it’s about recognizing that you’re no longer living in alignment with your true self. You may have been living based on the values of others, external expectations, or simply going along with the flow because it seemed easier than facing the discomfort of change.
You can stay stuck in this space for a while, convincing yourself that everything is fine. But eventually, the need for growth becomes louder than the need for comfort. You start to notice the cracks in your foundation — not because things are broken, but because you’ve outgrown the way you’ve been living.
We all know that feeling — when you’ve reached a certain stage of life and begin to question whether the path you’re on is really the right one. The pressure to keep up with the hustle, to show up perfectly on social media, to achieve more and more — it all adds up. We are taught to chase achievement and success, but we’re not always taught to chase meaning.
There’s something deeply human about this search for meaning — something existential that we all face, to varying degrees. We want to feel that our lives matter, that we’re living in a way that aligns with our values. If we’re not, the dissatisfaction grows. It’s this search for meaning, the quest for Ikigai, that often leads people to therapy or coaching. Not because they are “broken,” but because they are ready for more.
Uncovering the Hidden Drivers
As I began therapy, I realized that many of my behaviors were driven by unconscious forces. These are things we don’t always see in ourselves, but they shape our actions nonetheless. They can be learned patterns from childhood, unresolved traumas, or societal pressures that we internalize over time. We may not even recognize that we’re reacting to these old patterns, because they feel so normal. But when we start to pay attention, we can see how they affect our decisions and relationships.
For example, how many times have you found yourself scrolling endlessly through social media, not because you wanted to, but because you felt compelled to? Or maybe you indulge in habits that you know aren’t serving you, but they feel comforting in the moment? That’s what I realized I was doing — masking discomfort with distractions, avoiding the deeper work of understanding why I was acting the way I was.
Psychoanalysis talks about the unconscious mind as the hidden force behind our behaviors. It’s only when we begin to engage with these hidden drivers that we can start to move forward in a healthier way. Therapy and coaching create the space to do just that — to uncover those invisible forces and choose more intentional actions.
Living Beyond Expectations
The other realization I had was how much of my life was being shaped by societal expectations. From a young age, we’re told what success looks like: a good job, a nice house, a stable relationship. But when I stepped back, I realized that this definition of success wasn’t my definition. It was someone else’s. And I had been living according to a script that didn’t quite resonate with me. I was living a life based on external measures of success, not what actually felt right for me.
Therapy and coaching gave me the space to redefine success on my own terms — to reconnect with what truly mattered to me, without the pressure of societal standards. It wasn’t easy, but it was liberating. And now, I live in a way that’s more aligned with my values, more intentional, and more fulfilling.
Reflections of Wisdom
If any of this resonates with you, if you’re feeling like something’s off but can’t quite put your finger on it, I invite you to explore therapy or coaching. It doesn’t mean something is “wrong” with you. It just means you’re ready to look deeper, to understand yourself more fully, and to live with greater intention.
The truth is, therapy and coaching are not about fixing you — they’re about helping you unlock the potential that’s already inside of you. They help you understand what’s holding you back, so you can step into a life that feels more authentic and meaningful.
Sometimes, the hardest part is taking that first step — the step into discomfort, the step into uncertainty. But once you take it, you’ll find that everything else starts to fall into place. You’re not broken, you’re just ready for more.
ThriveAlly
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